Style // Safari Pink & Self Love

If ever there is a day where I like to be super girly, it's Mother's Day. And maybe my birthday... I don't know why but I just feel most feminine on those days. There's something very empowering about Mother's Day. It's a day to celebrate how strong you are, not just as a Mother, but as a female. So I decided to add a little (or a lot) of pink to my outfit on that day.
Doing posts like these really help me with my self image. I've struggled with my appearance most of my life. Even when I was a teenager I wasn't over weight, but I was always a shred bigger than most of my friends. I was always the "fat one" as some guys liked to dub me. It's probably the worst feeling ever when the guy you have a crush on says you have a "spare tire". I hated myself. I hid in giant hoodies. I hated myself and my body throughout high school and long after. I would have never posted a photo of my body on the internet when I was 16, even though I was only 130 lbs at that time. Damn, how I wish I had the body I had when I was that age! I've yo-yo'd my weight my entire life. It's taken me ten years since high school to finally feel confident in myself and stop worrying so much about my weight. I thank the stars every day for being able to wake up every morning and feel good about myself.  Anyway, back on point... The pink and girlishness of this outfit sprouted from a need to feel pretty. The day before Mother's day I was feeling very great about myself and confident. We went for a family bike ride and stopped at a garage sale held by two older ladies. For no rhyme or reason, one of them very bluntly asked if I was expecting a baby. I quickly stammered "no" but in my head I was screaming. Isn't it rude to ask that question? And how do you know I'm not suffering from self hate, or worse, body dysmorphia? That's just not something you ask, and I don't care how old you are. 
She didn't even follow up with a second question, or an explanation as to why she asked me if I was pregnant, like maybe it was because she had baby items. But nothing. I instantly felt so down on myself. She has no idea how bad she made me feel. I almost wished I were pregnant so that I could feel empowered and womanly and good about my appearance. Instead I felt fat. I felt ugly. I felt like never eating again. I felt like going home and hiding. 
I decided the only way to get myself out of self pity and misery was to doll myself up and do a style shoot. I'll be honest. Editing these photos, I pointed out so many of my flaws to myself. Cropped out parts of my body I don't like. Deleted so many photos. I previewed this post 10 times before deciding to post it. I'll probably scroll through it countless times worrying what people are thinking about my body.  The truth is, there's two things that help me believe in myself everyday and that's my family, and this blog. My family does not judge me. Jesse loves every bit of me and Josie wouldn't trade me for the world. And this blog is my one outlet that lets me be me. Everything I want to do, and hope for, and love, I can put on my blog. It doesn't matter who reads it, or what people think. Because it's mine. And that empowers me. That makes me feel great about myself. 
And you know what? I'm a Mom now. And there's nothing greater or more rewarding then parenthood.  My curves are from growing a life inside of me. Josie doesn't see my weight. She doesn't look at me differently when I'm  not wearing make up. She thinks I'm beautiful on the inside and on the outside. Just as I think of my Mom. As long as Josie and Jesse love me and think the world of me, then that's all I need.  I'm wearing: Zebra Top c/o Art Of The Heart Shop (Forever 21), Skirt // ASOS Curve, Satchel // Volcom Stone, Necklace // Modcloth, Floral Crown // Forever 21, Sandals // Ardene, Ring // eBay Josie's wearing: Dress // Gap Kids, Jacket // Walmart, Moccasins c/o Freshly Picked, Hair Clip // Carters

I got this top from a lovely friend of mine, Amy from Art Of The Heart. She runs a great shop on Instagram full of amazing and adorable clothing and accessories. This top is suppose to be a loose fitting crop top, but I knew it would fit me just fine as a fitted top to wear with skirts and just had to have it. She was a dear and sent it my way super fast, even though her town had just been struck with a tornado! 

I also bought this toque from her in the winter for a great price. Ever since then I find I've been constantly snooping her collection for items that fit me because she always posts the most adorable styles. So. Many. Pretty. Dresses. She's an awesome gal and I highly recommend her Instagram shop and her Etsy! xo

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