WHAT MUSIC MEANS TO ME :: PART ONE

If there's one thing that is important to me, more than anything in the world (besides Josie), it's music. It seems silly, but it really is a big part of me, it's changed my life and moulded who I am. And let's face it:

Pardon Dave's language, but, he's correct. In my opinion pretty much everything Dave says is correct. Haha. But seriously, music is a very important part of my life, and that's why I've decided to talk about what music means to me here on my blog. Because if I didn't start talking about music on here I would go crazy. I was hoping to make each post profile a band or artist that is important to me and why. But I thought maybe that's not such an exciting thing for everybody else, and may not be read worthy. So I sat for awhile and thought about what would be a good read. 

What would draw a reader in? What would convince a new reader to listen to these bands and artists I am rambling on about? And then it hit me. What if the love of each band didn't only come from my mouth, but from others too? From people I've met and gotten to know in some sort of small way via Tumblr. It sounds corny and adolescent, maybe, but I've been apart of this thing for awhile. There is this corner of Tumblr full of amazing people that have a serious love for music, and more specifically, the Seattle Scene. Those of you living under a rock, that means they're are still die hard fans of 90's music like Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Foo Fighters and *shocker alert* Nirvana.

So instead of me going on and on about how music changed my life, I'd like to share other people's stories. This is probably one of my longer posts to date, but to me, it seems worth it. And today, my friend Emily is going to share what the Foo Fighters mean to her.

"In August 2012, I slipped and fell coming down the stairs in my house, and I hit my head. I fractured my skull, and had a lot of bleeding, swelling, and pressure in my brain. By the time I got to the hospital, I had to be put in a medically induced coma to (hopefully) stay alive, but the neurosurgeons and doctors weren’t even sure I’d live. I woke up four days later with no memory of the accident, and I was really scared, upset, angry, and confused. No one knew if I’d ever be able to walk the same way again, or if I’d have any lasting brain damage. I had no idea how long it would take for me to heal completely, if at all. 

I spent three weeks in the hospital total, and I was miserable. I did all kinds of therapy (physical, occupational, and speech), and I ended up losing a ton of weight. I was on painkillers for my head, and I was dizzy pretty much all the time, so I just wasn’t hungry; not to mention I was nervous that if I ate I’d just throw up, since I normally have a really weak stomach. I cried almost every night…I think that was the worst I’d ever felt, which is saying a lot. It was the first time in my entire life I’d ever thought “I want to die right now” and meant it. I didn’t care if I’d gone unconscious again somehow and died, or if I’d had a seizure and died, or if I’d just gone to sleep one night and not woken up. I just felt completely hopeless, and like everything was out of my control. 

All that stuff had happened to me and in my mind it’s just…not there. Everything had been so messed up within a matter of minutes and now I couldn’t do anything to fix it. I didn’t know if anything would ever go back to normal, or if it could. My family and friends were there with me the entire time, which I appreciate, but, I just don’t think they would understand. I don’t think you can understand something like what had happened to me fully unless you’ve actually gone through it yourself (this goes for my entire life, actually, but it especially applies to my accident, i think).   

The one thing I wanted every day, without fail, was music. The fracture in my skull was close to my right ear, so the doctors were worried I'd have hearing loss on that side, and I wasn’t allowed to listen to my iPod. To say it sucked would be an understatement. Because I couldn’t listen to all the bands I loved, I thought about them all the time instead. It seems kind of weird and obsessive, but it really was the only thing that made me happy and made me feel like myself again. I needed something to give me the sense of normalcy that I felt was so far out of my reach at the time…I think the night I spent talking at my dad about Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chili Peppers for so long he had to force me to go to sleep was the happiest I’d been up until that point. 

I knew the bands I love would understand how I was feeling on some level, and they would assure me that what I was feeling at the time was okay to feel, and that was really comforting to me. They really did give me hope that I’d be okay again when I desperately needed it, I’m not exaggerating. I don’t know if I actually would have had the balls to kill myself if I’d still been depressed when I came home from the hospital, but, I can say without hesitation that music (Foo Fighters especially) brought me out of a very, very dark place. I didn’t think I would ever need music so much, but, I’m incredibly glad I had it then.

I did end up being okay, thankfully. I needed a little extra PT and OT, and I saw a neuropsychologist for a few months after I came home, but, I didn’t have any lasting, permanent brain damage. I also had to withdraw for my first semester of college so I could completely heal and so I wouldn’t push myself too far mentally, which I wasn’t happy about at all. I honestly think my listening to music constantly as soon as I was allowed to helped my brain function go back to what it was before I fell. When I tell people about what happened to me, they’re shocked I even lived at all. It’s not until then that I realize exactly what I went through…it’s kind of hard to grasp when I don’t remember it, you know? Sometimes it feels like it didn’t even happen to me, because everything I know about it comes from what other people have told me, not from my own memories. It feels weirder and weirder with every month that passes, because it doesn’t feel like it’s been almost a year.  

Along with changing me as a person, my accident really strengthened my connections with the music of my favorite band. To have Foo Fighters to go to during what was possibly the scariest time of my life so far means so much to me, more than I could ever say or type out into a post. Music really has become a cathartic, almost spiritual thing for me. It’s become a sort of coping mechanism, a way to channel my emotions and face them instead of keeping them bottled up inside me. I’d like to keep it in my life for as long as I possibly can. I honestly can’t thank Foo Fighters enough for just being there for me when I needed them so badly without even knowing it…I wish I could tell them how much they’ve impacted my life somehow."

- Emily

You can catch all our antics by searching band tags on Tumblr such as Foo Fighters, Pearl Jam and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Sometimes you find quality blogging, other times you find some really immature, adolescent poo poo jokes - but it's all in good fun. Together we are an amazing group of young people, passionate about music, and most importantly, the people behind the music that has helped us grow, be who we are, and meet all the amazing people we have met.

What music inspires you? Is there any band that has changed your life or helped you cope in some way? 

**gif taken from Tumblr, made by tayloroo**